I am sitting upright at my computer for the first time in almost 3 months. It feels foreign to be able to type on a keyboard, and scrolling through facebook on a fullsize screen was actually making me a bit dizzy.
I\’ve missed writing. In these months of sickness I\’ve found myself scratching notes at 2 AM to remember to write about them, but unable to do much more than that. Between the zofran, the hyperemesis and low-iron I\’ve been unable to really focus on much for very long and completely unable to write coherent thought. Even as I sit up now I\’m nearing my expiration for being able to sit and I\’ll need to lay down soon so I don’t pass out.
Recovery is amazing, but it’s making me a little crazy. I\’m almost grateful for the haze I was in-the more coherent I become, the more I\’m itching to be a living, active person. The last 2 weeks I\’ve become more aware of just how out of it I\’ve been. I\’ve spent the last few months in my dark bedroom, barely moving and staring at a wall-unable to focus long enough to read, listen to audiobooks or even watch shows unless they’re very light/not stressful and something I\’ve seen before.
I think I\’m on the mend, but I hate to even say it aloud. In the last 2 weeks I\’ve had good days and bad days and currently I\’ve had more good than bad…but I could easily relapse back into bad any day. It’s hard waking up every morning unsure of what the day will be like. Yesterday I was so excited that I folded some laundry AND took a bath and that was just too much for one morning and I ended up in bed for the rest of the day, nauseated and head-pounding. I have no patience for recovery and unfortunately I believe that patience is yet another lesson I\’m needing to learn from all of this.
One day. One day I will be functionally sick and I\’ll do things again. I have SO MUCH to write, and so many stories to tell. Stay tuned.