Sunday we talked about patience.
Patience is to win mastery of your soul.
In this area, I am struggling. I thought I was actually doing really well but the more I have thought about it the more I’ve realized I’m not there. I am not feeling very patient with this pregnancy. When people ask, I am quick to tell them I need this to be over. I find it interesting that I’ve become more miserable again with more than enough time for me to really suffer and think on these things.
I’ve been deepening my understanding of the word Faith. Right now, for me, it means trust. It means trusting in God that I will survive this and learn important things throughout. It means trusting my body that it will heal and grow this baby. It means trusting my husband and allowing him to care for me, our family and everything else while I’m a mess. I have to have faith in these things. I know that going through all of this is going to help me to help myself or others later in life and I just want to hang on to it all.
Patience has been more difficult than Faith. I’ve spent the last few years developing patience-being patient with my kids, watching and waiting patiently for women to deliver babies…I really thought I had honed in and developed this ability. I have not developed patience with my body or patience for difficult situations. I always want to believe that if there is a way to speed through and fix, I will find it and fix it! I have been slapped in the face with this too many times to count through this pregnancy, and this is somehow my third pregnancy and I still haven’t learned!
I’m continually being redirected to self care and priorities-two things I was struggling with before the pregnancy and I find it interesting that the need for these things has only magnified. I have to prioritize and I have to care for myself. I can’t fix this. I cannot speed up time. I have to be pregnant for the next few months.