0 In FAMILY TIME/ HOLIDAYS/ MOTHERHOOD

ON TURNING 32

Turning 32 and having this birthday has been good for me.

It’s been a month since my birthday…so it totally makes sense I’m finally writing about it.

When I turned 29 it completely freaked me out.  I was overwhelmed with the idea that I had 2 children, was a mother at all and was about to head into my thirties.  It was so much to take in.  I remember talking to Cyndi about it and she just laughed at me (Cyndi is the midwife I work for and a dear friend).  She loved her thirties and couldn’t understand why I had any trepidation-I was just getting started!  She told me that I had a husband that loved me, amazing children and good friends and if I could hang on to all of those things, aging doesn’t matter.

I took her words to heart and since then, I haven’t minded aging so much.  I turned 30 and it was celebrated joyfully (including a significant run-away from home).  Same with 31.  Turning 32 I welcomed because after last year, turning 32 means I’m still alive.  And after a difficult year, I’m very glad to still be here celebrating birthdays.

Thirty-two looks like a few things for me:

It looks like 3 kids and a declaration that our family is complete.  Somedays I am so happy to have some resolve about this, and somedays I’m mourning that everything Fox does is the last time.  He grew out of all of his newborn and 0-3 clothes and it’s hard knowing I don’t need to save them for another baby of my own.  Blessing him surrounded by family and friends was bittersweet knowing it would be the last baby blessing.  BUT with all of that it’s nice to know we’ll always fit in a single hotel room (poor kid is going to get used to rollaway beds), our 3 bedroom house will always be plenty big and he’s going to be incredibly spoiled as our youngest and only boy.

Turning 32 looks like me buying myself 2 house dresses for my birthday (luckily one was a gift card from beloved friends).  Because house dresses don’t have waistbands and I just don’t need that negativity in my life right now.

It looks like relaxing into my role as a mother and inability to manage absolutely everything in my life.  I also hope it helps me find some balance…

SEE MORE:  WHY I RAN AWAY FROM HOME

It’s accepting that no matter how many times I read that I shouldn’t fall asleep in front of the TV I like to and I will.

It’s offering my body the forgiveness and space that it needs to heal because doing an HG pregnancy in my thirties is different than doing an HG pregnancy in my twenties.

It’s buying the giant mini van.  Why did I worry about this?  Why did I withhold this happiness from my life??  Having a giant minivan is seriously the best thing ever!  I always thought we could never afford one and that I didn’t want to anyway and I was.so.wrong.  It is the ultimate luxury vehicle with children and I will never look back.

It’s taking my supplements, worrying way too much about my face skin, and the beginnings of regret about not wearing that sunscreen as a lifeguard…

It’s enjoying my relationships, because those are what matter.  I’m working hard to make sure I’m connecting with each of my family members everyday and spending time with people I love that uplift me.

Turning 32 feels so good and I’m glad to be here.

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